How can you reduce conflict in your divorce?

1. Go easy on yourself: Divorce tends to be a time of reflection. But for many people, looking back on their marriage leads to self-criticism and self-doubt. Don’t focus on the mistakes that you made in the past. Now is the time to focus on your future. So, don’t be too hard on yourself. Allow yourself to take a break and focus on the things that are important to you.
2. Turn to your support system: Even when you’re surrounded by loved ones, the divorce process can feel isolating. But this network can provide you with stress relief by providing meaningful support. To obtain this support, you need to be diligent and purposeful in seeking it out. Also, don’t forget that a mental health professional and even support groups can be good options here.
3. Find new interests: You don’t want to wallow in despair as you reflect on your marriage and your pending divorce. But we know that’s hard to sidestep. One way to avoid doing so, is by taking up new hobbies and interests or turning to old ones that were neglected during your marriage. You may find that by devoting your attention to these matters, you’ll forget about some of the most painful and stressful aspects of your divorce.
4. Reduce communication: A lot of your stress during divorce probably stems from how you and your spouse communicate with one another. But you can limit your communication with your spouse during the divorce process or at least find methods of communication that are less conflicting. Your attorney can also help filter messages and requests so that they’re focused on the issues at hand rather than emotional aspects of the divorce.
5. Be positive: This can be hard to do when you’re in the throes of your marriage dissolution. But when times get tough, try to step back and remember that you do have a future ahead of you that you can control to a great extent.

Competently navigate your divorce

Building your case for spousal support

• The length of your marriage
• Each spouse’s earning capacity
• The marital standard of living
• Sacrifices made during the course of the marriage

Proving key factors

Are you ready to build your case for spousal support?

• Be realistic about your income: Once your divorce is finalized, your household income is likely to significantly drop. You might have spousal support or child support coming in to assist, but you’re still probably not going to have the income that you’re used to. So, be realistic about the cash that you’ll have coming in and budget accordingly.
• Reconsider your living arrangements: A lot of people fight tooth and nail to keep the family home, but doing so may not be in your financial best interests. The maintenance and upkeep of the home can prove to be costly, perhaps even destroying your already tight budget. Therefore, you might want to consider downsizing and either selling the marital home or renting it out.
• Build your credit score: Without your spouse, your individual credit score is going to have more of an impact on your ability to borrow money at a lower cost. This can affect everything from taking out a mortgage and financing a car purchase to using a credit card. You can build or repair your credit by taking out small loans or a credit card and making sure that you pay off balances on time.
• Track your expenses: Now that you’re going to be living on a reduced income, it’s a good idea to get a handle on your expenses. One of the best ways to do this is to simply make yourself aware of where your money is going. Writing out your monthly expenses can be eye-opening and give you the opportunity to make cuts where you need to in order to remain financially steady.
• Check accounts: Hopefully your divorce decree absolved you of at least some marital debts. But even though you have a court order indicating that you’re off the hook for those debts, you still need to make sure that your name is taken off those creditor accounts. If you don’t, then you might find creditors calling seeking to collect on unpaid debts. This can be stressful and take a lot of time and effort to resolve.
• Seek to improve your skills: If you gave up your career or your education during your marriage in order to support your spouse or raise your children, then now may be the time for you to refocus on your marketable skills. That way you can improve your chances of obtaining a higher-paying job that puts you in a better financial position.

Making the arguments you need to put you on the path to stability

• Consider if you really need to keep the family home. Remember, unless your ex agrees to share the costs, you will have to pay the mortgage, repair costs etc. on your income alone. For most people, this is too big of a burden, despite all the emotions and memories their house contains. Moving into a smaller home may be a more cost-saving option.
• Set a budget. Draw up a list of expenses and sources of income. If you are not currently working, will you need spousal support until you are prepared to get a job? Try to budget for at least the next several months.
• Acknowledge that your retirement will be different now. You and your ex once planned on spending your retirement years together. But now you probably will have to split up the retirement savings. This could mean your dream retirement of living in a beachfront house or travelling the world is no longer possible. But if you and your attorney negotiate a reasonable property settlement, you should still expect to enjoy your golden years in financial comfort.
• It's natural to feel bitter, angry, upset or resentful toward your ex. But the longer your divorce takes, the more it will cost in legal fees. If possible, try mediation or another alternative dispute resolution method. These low-cost alternatives can save you money as well as stress and emotional trauma.